Throw It Out Thursday: Giving Gifts, Not Stress

The holiday season is a time of year where gift giving is front and center of every commercial, conversation and thought. Ok, maybe not for everyone, but I definitely feel the stress of gift giving! To gift, or not to gift? What to gift?

Gifting is a joyful experience, giving someone something you found that is perfect for them! So when did it loose it’s luster and become an obligation? Did I get the right gift? Forgetting someone? Did I just regift to the original gift giver!? The list goes on, but it ends here and today, we are throwing out all those stressors, obligatory gifts, and negative thoughts, and I am even going to feel ok taking some names of my self-made-mandatory-gift-giving list.

First, a story. While out picking up paper towels at my local Rite Aid, I was privy to a conversation between two clerks (one was ringing me up) talking about how one of them now has to get a present for someone because they got a present for her. As I had been writing this blog for a week by then, I couldn’t help but chyme in. I offered her the idea that to get someone a present out of obligation defeats the purpose of gift giving, it’s the thought that matters, right? More on obligatory gift giving later…

Let’s start with that phrase, “it’s the thought that matters”, well is it really? If someone gives you something, that means they wanted to, plain and simple. If there is heavy meaning behind it, well that falls into the category of gift-drama, and we aren’t even going there today. Sending a thank you note, or a small thank you gift is very appropriate, but also not mandatory. Rushing out and getting them something in return will likely result in you giving them some unthoughtful, generic gift that you found in haste. And that defeats the purpose of giving a gift.

The idea of getting someone a gift is actually like a gift. It means that this person matters enough for you to think of them, and to consider this item in front of you as something they would like or enjoy. That to me sounds like a great foundation for friendship. You can see why giving a thank you note rather than a gift in return can be a better “gift”. So what do you do if you see something and it makes you think of them but you’re not going to buy it for whatever reason, tell them about it? Send a picture with the caption “this made me think of you” and five heart emojis? Say nothing?? Is telling a friend about a gift for them that you’re not actually going to buy them thoughtful at all?

I have always found that when someone comes to my mind, sending them a quick message, or yes, even snapping a picture of said gift and sending a funny caption with it to them, lets that person know that someone is thinking of them, no physical gift needed. We can never let our friends and loved ones know enough that we are thinking of them. Feeling pressure to give someone a gift because you know them and it’s a holiday is a terrible reason to gift though, no one wants an “check-list” present.

However, on another side of gifting, there are those gifts that we have all gotten from a good-hearted person who thought we’d love it and alas, we don’t. Don’t feel guilty for having an opinion or personal taste, we don’t all look at art and see the same thing, so if you receive a gift that really isn’t your speed, put it safely somewhere with a note of who gave it to you, for future re-gifting, or you can also donate it to a local thrift store and someone else will regift it for you. There is no shame in regifting, it’s better than handing the gift back to the person who gave it to you and saying, “ya know what, I don’t actually like this and will probably give it to someone else so maybe you should just take it back”.

Notes on regifting-

• like mentioned above, make a note of who gave it to you to save you any future embarrassment

• re-wrap it, you wouldn't want your gift receiver to see your name on the gift as a recipient, or even worse, ripped and clearly old wrapping…

• depending on the gift, you might be able to add it to a gift basket or make it part of a larger gift

• check expiration dates, you wouldn't want to be known as the friend who gives expired cookies and popcorn out

Like the quote says above, the best gifts come from the heart. So if your heart is not into giving someone a gift, don’t do it. Forcing yourself to do something because you think you should gets everyone into a whole mess of trouble. Sometimes not getting a gift is more thoughtful than giving a meaningless item wrapped in a bow.

Remember how I said more on obligatory gifting later? Take note: you don’t have to get a gift for everyone, and you also don’t have to give a gift to someone who sent you one. The idea of gifting isn’t based on the notion that you’re also going to get something from that person, and if it does for your “friend”, then that is not a gift but a barter. The gift that the gift-giver gets is the joy of seeing that person love and cherish that what they got for them. There are occasions, though, when we do need to show up with gifts, like house warming parties, weddings and baby showers. This is a time in which you are giving a gift, and that gift is kinda expected. For times like that, I love to think of gifting experiences, like making a date night basket with tiny wine, cheese and meats, or a really large mason jar filled with different baby and mommy things (lets admit it, mama needs presents too), you get the idea. Instead of showing up with a box of diapers, make it into something. My diaper art, even though mediocre at best, have always made my mommy-to-be friends happy because I took time to freaking do it, for them! Remember, its the heart behind your gift that matters, so put some heart into it!

If we are feeling as though we have to do something, it can take the joy out of it. When you flip that mindset and instead think of why you’re doing it, and for who, it puts all the joy back into gifting. You’re giving a gift to this person because this person is special/deserving/caring/a good friend, the list goes on. A card with a hand written note can make someone’s week, how often do you get really mail from someone who isn’t a bill or fake credit card approval? Gifting does not have to be expensive, anyone who is putting a price tag on the gifts you give them might need their friendship reconsidered…

The crux of all of this is, gift giving is not an obligation and can look very different than just a present in a box. Sometimes a gift can be a phone call, a handwritten card or a simple “thank you”. It always goes back to the heart of the matter- who is it for and why are you giving it? If your answer to the last questions has anything to do with “because they gave me one” or “their a family/friend/neighbor/etc”, then your heart might not be in it.

There is no shame in giving a gift just as much as there is no shame in not giving a gift, it’s a personal choice on the gift givers end. As for me, I had to learn that I can’t afford to buy everyone a gift, and not everyone is going to get me something and that’s totally ok. I love to get crafty and buying art/DIY supplies can be a lot cheaper than individual gifts. Pinterest has become a space where I can keep gifting ideas for moments like weddings and baby showers, or when I need inspiration. Right now with seeing each other being so hard to do, and requiring more work than ever before, taking a moment just to make time for another person is such a gift.

I hope you are able to enjoy your holidays and whether you give gifts, receive them, or not, that you are joyful in your heart. Till we throw our next Thursday topic out, Till next time, be good to your skin and even better to yourself!

xx eri