Throw It Out Thursday: Old Stories
It's time again for another “Throw It Out Thursday” blog, and this time we are throwing out something that many of us have been carrying around for far too long. So what are we throwing out? Old stories that don’t serve us anymore!
Have you ever had a day when everything seems to be going back in time? Conversations that make you feel like a gossip girl, petty things are setting you or everyone around you off, or even worse, feeling super emotional for no apparent reason.
I felt this way in 2014, 2016, and 2018 (maybe I hit a two-year cycle…hello 2020...). During these years, I started acting like a teenager whose bad habits wouldn’t catch up to me, eating whatever whenever, and surrounding myself with toxic “friendships” who let’s just say didn’t support me in not doing these things. Let's not even talk about the trauma we all experienced globally during 2020, but at least that time I was home alone a lot, so there was no one to distract me from looking at these bad habits...
A couple of years before 2020 hit us all hard, I looked in my mirror and told myself, “you’re a grown woman, you own a business, why are you acting like a child?”, which seemed much harder to answer at the time than it does now.
The story I was telling myself, was an old one that hadn’t served me in a long time; that I needed external validation, that what other people thought of me was more important than what I thought of myself.
When you ask a kid what they want to be when they grow up, their answers aren’t limited by what they think they can do, but limitless. I had limiting beliefs that weren’t mine but were put in my mind by social media, family, friends, TV, I mean you name it and I was taking cues from it.
When I realized that at the core of it all was my own self-doubt, my own limiting beliefs, I knew that it was time to dig in and do the work to throw it out!
Write your own story, not the story as told by others
Looking back at these times in my life, I can see that I reached a point where I stopped believing in who I was and thought I needed that external validation or someone to tell me who I really am. This is not just unhealthy, but it's disempowering, something I never want to be to anyone, especially myself!
I had to take a good hard look at myself and ask, truthfully, what is it that I love about myself, what strengths do I love, and which tendencies do I not love? What are my core principles or core values that make the foundation of my life? How do I show up in my life for not just others, but for myself?
A long time ago, I had been told who I was by so many people that I just started to believe what they told me and stopped believing in who I wanted to be, who I knew myself capable of being.
It was a lot of little “aha” moments, usually deep in prayer, that helped me uncover my true self and learn how to not be swayed by people or my environment telling me otherwise.
That “story” I had told myself, that I was a fat/unattractive girl, that I wasn’t as talented or successful as (fill in the blank) that I don’t take things seriously because I like to joke around, and that I am inconsiderate.
These stories don't serve me anymore, they don't fit into my core values. Learning what my core values are, what means a lot to me, and how I apply that to all aspects of my life (something we dive deep into in my Whole Body Wellness Coaching program) helped me discover that those stories couldn't possibly be who I am as they contradict everything I hold sacred; finding joy in the little things, self-love, compassion, stability, and integrity.
Just like self-care, a daily reminder to be good to yourself, to love yourself, and to trust that you are a good person/friend is necessary. When you are told something over and over again that is not true when someone projects their misconceptions on you, the hardest part is not allowing those words back up to the front of your mind and believing them.
In skin care, we see a lot of stress-related skin conditions, meaning that we are so stressed out that our skin is turning into a billboard for us saying “Whoa! Calm down already, you’re gonna make us sick!”
To tell someone to just “calm down” is not going to solve their stressful lives or cure their skin issue. We each have to do the work of unpacking and throwing out those limiting beliefs and regain confidence in who we are. What stories are you telling yourself that cause you stress? Do you feel like you are not the perfect daughter/son/sister/wife/friend? And if so, why? Why is that important? What can you let go of so that instead of chasing perfection you can just be perfectly you?
Try this simple self-care tip - at the end of your day write down or think of the things you did today for yourself, or even what you did for others, and show appreciation for your life.
Something so simple, but there is so much power in reminding us that we are good friends, we are a good sister/son/wife, or whatever role you play. Be conscious of who you are, and how you show up in your daily life and in your relationships. Is there something you’re telling yourself that stops you from being a better friend? Write them all down, put them on post-its, do whatever it is you need to do to be more aware of what is serving you and what is not, and be ok with letting go of what is not serving you anymore.
I just finished listening to a *podcast (something I am not known to do) and it was from a female entrepreneur I follow on Instagram. At first, I thought she would talk about style or being a business owner, but in fact, the first episode I dropped in on was about anxiety.
I discovered that I had been functioning (poorly) from a place of anxiety, of not being enough or doing enough, of missing out on everything because I chose the life of a business owner and don’t have evenings and weekends to play around. Basically beating myself up for FOMO.
Just hearing someone else whose going through something similar lets me know that it is ok to not do everything all the time, that I can make time for the things that matter in my life and time for business, without sacrificing my sanity. I had an “aha!” moment realizing that my real friends, people who are truly there for who you really are, aren’t mad at me for being busy. They are proud that their friend is doing what they are passionate about, and they show up for me and I am able to show up for them. They don’t tell me who I am, they remind me who they know me to be, and the only person we can be is ourselves.
So my advice for you this Throw It Out Thursday, take five minutes to write down every “story” in your brain, do a brain dump! Cross off those things that aren’t serving you, the ones that you’ve been told by_____ (fill in the blank), and write down concrete actions next to the ones that are your truth, who you know yourself to be and take that action in your life now on living that truth every day!
Read positive books! Watch happy TV shows! Listen to motivational speakers first thing in the morning! Meditate or pray more! Do things that bring you joy, that energizes you! Be good to yourself, be gentle with your growth, and enjoy discovering yourself.
Till next time, be good to your skin and even better to yourself,
xx eri
*Podcast: “You’re Welcome” by Hilary Rushford